Arrogant Empire

So me and @AyeCiCiBee were arguing on twitter about dick size no homo. And she kept telling me that she only dates dudes with little dicks. The argument got pretty heated so she decided to put it in blog form and strangely..... I agree with her O_o BRB cutting my dick in half

What's up with women wanting nice looking, big dick men who can throw down in the sheets? Am I the only woman left in the world who wants the pinky dick from an ugly man for a solid 2 minutes? #nevertrust a man with a big dick and a pretty smile. Let me tell you the woes of having a good lookin man with a big dick who's good at sex. He's too confident. He has a 3rd arm hanging between his legs for goodness sake! He knows he doesn't need you. He's not gonna provide for you bc he's already giving you nightly seizures between the sheets. He will play songs that say the word 'independent' during sex and before you know it he's moved in and your favorite words are: "It's cool, I got it." I've noticed that most big dick men have a smell about them. They attract you with the cologne but if you sniff a little deeper you'll smell the putrid smell of a dirty clothes hamper. They're not used to doing their own laundry so they're looking to attract someone who will. You'll never get any sleep with this kind of man bc during the day you'll be cooking and cleaning while you're not at work and at night of course you'll be getting broken off. PLUS they snore!!!

Now with the ugly, pinky dick, 2 minute men, they're so embarrassed at their girth (or lack of it) and their inability to last during sex that they make up for it with great head, gifts, and romantic outings. They buy you flowers for no reason and their favorite words are "don't you worry bout a thing". They look in the mirror and don't like what they see so they do a lot to make you smile. They do YOUR laundry, cook for you, and even beg you to move in. They smell like dryer sheets and downy. Your marriage is sure to last long while you probably won't even get a true commitment from the good lookin guy. I've also noticed that these men usually have very hairy bodies and they wear weird shoes.

Note that sometimes you'll run across an ugly one with a large penor or a pretty one with a tiny piece. Stay FAR away from them! They're in an awkward position so they're constantly confused. That confusion often times turns into aggression so they're mostly women beaters. Most of the male substance abusers fall into this category also.

The moral of the story is this: If you want a good man choose an ugly one, even though his penis is tiny, scream like he has a mandingo, and feed him lies about his looks every now and then to boost his ego. BUT. If you want good sex and pretty babies, prepare to work hard, sleep less, and put up with the everyday trials and tribulations that come with a big dick and a pretty smile.

Personally I have a little dick ugly guy. He wears velcro sandles with knee socks and he smells like bounce sheets. Our sex is horrible but I'm happy bc I cheat as often as possible. Nobody better tell him about this blog though bc his confidence will just go even further down the drain. #pinkydicks4life.

Follow me on twitter @AyeCiCiBee