Arrogant Empire

Add 1 ounce Gin 1 ounce Rum 1 ounce tequila 1 ounce vodka 1 once of triple sec to a tall glass served over ice with a splash of coke for color. This drink was hand crafted by the devil himself. It is pure EVIL. Long Island ice tea is the new date rape drug. Avoid at all costs. You ever wonder why these drinks are soo cheap? Well fat bitches and bartenders have a secret alliance dating back to the early days with the invention of alcohol. Big girls main goal in the bar is to leave with somebody, 9 times out of 10 most dudes avoid the fat broads but add in a frosty treat such as this Long Island and things seem to go in their favor. Its like Long Islands have the power to turn a big bitch into Hale Berry. I have found myself in many questionable predicaments fucking with this shit. Last time I had a long island I woke up naked in a sleezy hotel with a fucking whale snoring her ass off on the bed in MY SHIRT! I mean come on man my shirt though? What am I supposed to do with it now? I cant wear that shit! Your big ass stretched that shit out now it looks like a parachute. New Years Eve, me and the fellas decided to go run a muck downtown at the clubs. This particular evening I had gotten off work late so when niggas picked me up I was the only sober one. Only losers party sober and Im a boss so when we got there I ordered two double shots of 151 just so I could catch up. After about 5 minutes I realized that I was still sober. Now if you know anything about drinking it can take up to an hour for the alcohol to fully absorb into the body before you feel its effects. So as you can see Im headed in the direction of an EPIC FAIL. So I hit the bar again, this time I ordered two long islands. I killed one in literally 3 seconds and as Im sipping the other one surprisingly I end up in the middle of a big ass circle of people screaming "Go Pot!! Go Pot!!" as Im getting jiggy with a fat broad. LMAO when did this happen? How did I get there? I don't even dance! Fuck it, I put it on her big ass, I looked like dancing with the stars up in that bitch. I headed to the bar and ordered two more.... This is where I blacked out and Im gonna have to tell the story from what my friends said happened. So apparently after I drank those drinks I hopped behind the bar and started pouring shots for people and drinking out the bottles. My friends said I was back there for a good 10 minutes before anyone asked me to leave. Madness! Security escorted me back to the dance floor. I took my shirt off hopped on stage and started doing the robot, I jumped into the crowd and crowd surfed until they dropped me on the floor near the bathroom. Niggas said I went behind the bar AGAIN and started passing out free beers!!!! Lol... Security asked me to leave so I left the club alone. Some how I ended up in 711 with my dick out pissing on the twinkies. I get tackled by 4 police officers mid piss and beat up with night sticks. All I remember is my home boy screaming in the background "Yo!!! Let him put his cock away!!! Let him put his cock away!" So now Im in the back of a police car with no pants headed to jail all because of Long Island Iced Tea. I did a lot of thinking that 2 days I sat in the cell. Fuck Long Island Iced Tea's and Fuck Long Island!


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