Arrogant Empire

I got something to say about Jehovah's Witness people.......FUCK THEM!!!! They really piss me off. What gives you the right to knock on my door at 8 am on Saturday mornings when Im hung over trying to catch some z's. They really evolved over the years too. There used to be a time when they would pull up to the block in a big ass white church van and we had time to shut off the lights and act like we weren't home. Not anymore, you're a bunch of sly foxes, some real trixters. Before you even know what's going on they're already looking at you through your window knocking on the door. The question I have for you is "how the hell do you get to the door so fast?" Im starting to think you have some sort of Cloak that you tie around your necks that makes you invisible just long enough to rush the door, on some Lord of the Rings Shit. Another tactic I've seen them do is to send the sexiest "Witness" up to the door to knock while the rest hide behind trees waiting to pounce. I must admit, that was a good trick, I fell for it once. I just thought it was some lost dummy chick so I opened the door and tried to spit my best game then POW!!! Ambush. She stepped aside as 4 older fat "Witness" bitches held me down while the Elder male tried to proposition me with that cult Witness bullshit asking "Am I ready for Jahovas Return" and what not. The 4 Older Witnesses made it rain on me with those "Clock Tower" pamphlets before they all exited to the next house. As I laid on the floor violated and confused I vowed to never fall for any of that "Witness' fuckery again.

The Strategy

Now i didn't just simply come up with this strategy, it took some trial and error and a lot of man hours (No homo). The first technique I used was something I called the shock technique. I first pumped myself up by listening to that new Justin Beiber Gangsta Grills mixtape then splattered ketchup all over my white Tee. I Left the door cracked a little so that when the "Witnesses" knocked the door would open. I laid down on the floor and acted dead. This one failed miserably. As I laid there motionless a fat man who's breath reeked of Tetty Grahams and cheap vodka attempted to give me mouth to mouth while simultaneously asking me if Im prepared for his return.
The next one I tried was the "Shock and Awe" Technique. This time I opened the door in a furry pink robe and invited them in. Thats the shock part, they're not accustomed to someone just calmly letting them in. I had the 3 old women sit on the couch across from me and I sat down in the love seat. As they started talking to me I laid my beer down and spread my legs as wide as possible until my dick rested on the warm leather cushion. I then open my robe just enough so they seen my "member" and hairy sack in plain view. Thats the "awe" factor because my dick is so small it makes you say "awwwww" Well this didn't seem to bother them one bit. They continued with there speech then left as if nothing happened.
At this point I decided to step it up a notch. I realized that I wasn't being disrespectful enough so I came up with the ultimate plan and it worked!!!
It was last Saturday and I was feeling like shit cause I was at the YHGM barbecue getting hammered all day with my nigga Fuze. I decided to stay up all night and wait for these fuckers to try me in the morning. As I peered through the curtains I noticed a group of individuals approaching my door bibles in hand about to knock. I stripped down butt ass naked and massaged my meat till I had a nice "semi erection" rocking. I swung the door open with all my might, grabbed my balls, raised my chin and screamed at the top of my lungs "WITNESS DEEZ!!!!!!!!!" and chased them up the block, cock in hand with a crazed look in my eyes. They bolted back to the car and sped off. That was perfect usage of Shock, Awe, and Disrespect and I never heard from the again. Niiiicccce!